doubling up, i did it wrong

i did the wrong thing, should never have looked/listened/thought about it..
those old habits cling to and still may never die.

starting anew, for keeps this time, i have a plan and i'll follow through,
because this is just practice, just training this time around.

i feel like i'm trapped here and in here, i stayed for that and now i'm stuck,
not with him or anyone,
and what's keeping me here anyway?

i missed the beginning of this term, or i will be officially tomorrow.
oh lord. unhappiness, seriously. can i not drop the ball just once?
i'm considering options once abandoned, and some maybe not yet explored, in efforts to make amends to myself and stop the rushing sense of failure. if i can't start here until february, who says i have to start here at all. this town, some other town, what's the difference.
i just. i'm suffocating. and don't know if i know what's safe, but something has to change.

+++ The Smiths/The Queen is Dead